Faster than Sayings (A Faster Way To Make You Smile), Dating Me Is Like Jokes That Will Make You Smile, Hilarious Fly Jokes That Will Make A Buzz, Comedian Jokes That Will Make You Laugh and Appreciate Them, Perfect Statistics Jokes to Crack in Class, Unicorn Jokes That Will Make Your Little Believer Laugh, Funny Vacuum Jokes That Will Make You Laugh While You Clean, Alligator Jokes You Wont Scare To Laugh At, Funny Jeep Jokes to Keep You Entertained While Off-Roading, Maine Jokes That Are Maine-T to Make You Laugh. Is it feasible to have a dirty and humorous joke at the same time? Shes going to eat me! The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Celebration ", A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. Feel free to send us something you have in mind. Give it to me! she yelled. 129 Funny Group Chat Names For Hilarious Friends. Thats so aggressive! Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! What did the condom say to the penis? Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Sounds like you got something honking for the right of way. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. . That's it for our list of dirty jokes. I am more comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry. 14. He is into geeky male joke topics. Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?Condoms have evolved: Theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore.Do I believe in safe sex? Just remember, a lot can be forgiven when a dirty joke is funny, but you should still not cross the line! Ben who?Ben down and lick my boots!Knock, knock.Whos there?Anita.Anita who?Anita you inside me.Knock, knock.Whos there?Dewey! You know Im being sarcastic, right? Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. Paddy brags, "You know, I've had every woman in this town. 19. Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat.What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common?They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youre inside them.A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. Unfortunately, if the rubber breaks, you are obviously screwed. } else { What am I?Tweets.What do newly married couples get on their wedding day thats long and sometimes hard?A new last name.Whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?The taste.I want to be inside you every day, and you can set me to vibrate for extra fun. Why? 13. And I thought its because I have beautiful eyes! What do mice and gay people have in common? "Beat it. The third one, a blonde remarked cant wait to see my puppies! boy oh boy. Planning to throw some dirty mind questions at your buddies during the party? Faster than your opponent is everyones goal. We think you will agree with us when we say: A joke is always a bit funnier when it has a dirty side. Are you in need of some dirty minded jokes? How do you breathe through that little thing? Except me mammy, of course!". Vehicle Whats better than a good laugh? Bored games. Share these funny dirty jokes that are so raunchy people need to wash their ears when they hear them! There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date you are tight one, arent you? She said back, bless my soul, you are in the wrong hole. Girls on their periods always ovary act. Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? The others a great year.Why are men like diapers?Theyre usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.What do you call a video of two toads having sex?Frogspawn.Whats the difference between anal and oral sex?Oral sex makes your day. Im so wet, give it to me now! She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?A glad-he-ate-her.How can you tell if your husband is dead?The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.Sex is like playing Bridge if you dont have a good partner, you better have a good hand.What do boobs and toys have in common?They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.What did the elephant ask the naked man?How do you breathe out of that thing?Why didnt the toilet paper make it across the street?It got stuck in a crack.Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?Finding out it was traced.What does being born in September mean?Well, it means your parents started the year with a bang.Whats the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?A washing machine doesnt follow me home after I dump a load in it.My girlfriend thought Id be a pushover in bed, and wouldnt you know it, she had me pegged from the start.How do you embarrass an archaeologist?Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from!What did the man say to the police officer who told him, Anything you say can and will be held against you?Boobs! What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Food What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". "I'm almost done making jokes about unemployed salespeople but they still need some work." -Unknown. Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex? If you can make people laugh with only one or two sentences you can call yourself a truly funny person! If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you handsome, #11. All rights reserved. Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird. Lets go on a road trip and eat lots of hotdogs by a campfire! He asks the gorgeous woman working in the truck "are you the one doing the handj0bs". The best man always has me first. "Keep the tip.". In the end, I make you happy and confident. Nicholas who?Knickerless girls shouldnt climb trees.Knock, knock.Whos there?Fuck you said.Fuck you said who?Me!Knock, knock.Whos there?Amos. A naked man broke into a church. Take away the fact that there is immense multi-faceted advancement daily, and that feeling remains. The retailer now has even more brands lining its shelves and listed online. Handj0bs: $20. Jokes are always good as ice breakers. One's a Goodyear. What would you call a hooker with her hand up her skirt? Press Enter / Return to begin your search. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts.Whats the best thing about gardening?Getting down and dirty with your hoesWhats the difference between me/you and a mosquito?A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it.Whats the difference between you and the refrigerator?The refrigerator doesnt moan when I put my meat in it.I took a Viagra the other day. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!". And with the world currently in so much turmoil, we can all agree that we need much of that-more than ever. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? What am I?ArrowWhats the maximum speed limit during sex?68. Weve got all kinds of funniest dirty minded jokes covering from the nasty dark humor to toilet humor as well. "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream. "Yes" responds the woman with a big smile. 2. (Triathlon joke) Reply . Tickle its balls. Howie.Howie who?Howie gonna hide this affair from your husband? He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. A: HalfwayI didnt have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. Theyre silent but deadly.Weirdly, Ive been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. 39. Connection! First take torch or a flash light. Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic? 2. The second one went ahead to say that hers will be a girl because she was on top. It is inappropriate to have sex in an elevator. I think youd be Handsomelicious! I sometimes ask you to spit and not swallow it. 9. You may call yourself a very hilarious person if you can make others laugh with only one or two phrases. Although these jokes may be just as cheesy, whats different is that the punchlines have become a lot more raunchy! "Well then," says Seamus. Whats the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.What goes in hard and comes out close and wet?Chewing gum.A guy is sitting at the doctors office. Drinking The great thing about a dirty knock-knock joke is that it's almost always unexpected. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. } Funny Comebacks to Say Fries: $4. Dirty jokes and awful pick up lines go hand in hand. What name do you give to a country where everyone is pissed off-urination. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. Comment sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A . Steamboats. Funny Quotes and Sayings What do you think is the name of Moby Dicks dad? : can your dick touch your asshole? "Wow," the boy replies. "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts. Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. But he is wrong. Ivan who?Ivan to do something naughty with you!Knock, knock.Whos there?Waiter.Waiter who?Just waiter I get my hands on you.Knock, knock.Come in.God damn it.Knock, knock.Whos there?Amanda.Amanda who?Amanda lay you, and then your lonely nights are over!Knock, knock.Whos there? Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. If you liked it, dont shy away from sharing. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. Because she outgrew her B-shells. What do you get when you mix human DNA and, The Funniest Dirty Puns & Dirty Dad Jokes, Dirty jokes and awful pick up lines go hand in hand. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. herculoids gloop and gleep sounds What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? Score: 642 Did you know that light travels faster than sound? The man signs and says, this is boring. A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. What's the difference between a sex worker and a drug dealer? A white Christmas, #27. #6. Australia In a lesbian relationship, which one cooks? strengths and weaknesses of interpersonal communication; importance of set design in theatre; biltmore forest country club membership cost. 2. One sperm asked the other how far till we reach the fallopian tubes? The other replied, No sure but we just passed the esophagus., #9. Its all about satisfying the right need! What is it?A bubblegum. It comes out of nowhere! Why do male squirrels swim on their back? On the second day of fishing. I said, Well, Im pretty good, but I dont think Im ready to compete just yet.What do you do when a womans choking?Back up a few inches.What does a robot do after a one-night stand.Nuts and bolts.Ive never laughed a woman in to bed, but Ive laughed one out of bed many times.I am mostly six inches long. Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. Cause you are about to have a mouth full of wood. And the guy answered, Thats how far behind I am.. Im especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. Riddles pique our attention. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A swallow. A submarine. We're closed. First, we'llget hammered, then I'll nail you. a [race] man after hearing the pregnancy test results. You can use these 'faster than' sayings, one-liners, jokes and quotes to make your family and friends smile in your social media captions and messages. A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, Honey, I shaved myself down there. A beaver dam. A: When Hillary is out of town. Sometimes people l*ck my nuts. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 160 Hilarious Wife Jokes to Spark Joy in Your Marriage, Short Dirty Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy. I discharge loads from my shaft. What am I?Popcorn.What four-letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you cant get it you can always just use your hands?A forkI tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small. You sick weirdo.One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister. Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.Whats the best help you can give to a constipating person?Well, scare the shit outta them.Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?Theyre always on the lookout for a tight seal.What did the left nut say to the right nut?Dont talk to the guy in the middle; hes a real dick!A husband says to his wife, I bet you cant tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time.She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, Your p*nis is bigger than your brothers.How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?Once you open it, you realize its half-empty.What did the clitoris say to the vulva?Its all good in the hood!. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. If it was so fast that she couldnt even blink, can you say it really happened? You fiddle with me when youre bored. What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? Some have theirs longer than others sometimes depending on where they come from. 22. * "Jurassic Pig". By becoming a ventriloquist. If you are naive, you may not understand what to expect from short sexy jokes. It can even be a turn off when youre dating. I get wet before you do. Faster than . A sex worker could wash her crack and resell it. #1. Eating with your mouth open is such an eyesore. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." 3. Ken came in another box. the Presidents coloring book when the press shows up. Just let us know in the comments section below. "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. It doesnt cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.What do a hooker and bungee jump have in common?Unfortunately, if the rubber breaks, you are obviously screwed.A dad tells his son Stop masturbating! 24. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ. What do tofu and a vibrator have in common? 1lb Of Bacon Currently Costs LESS Than A Dozen Eggs. Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.What do a penis and a Rubiks Cube have in common?The more you play with it, the harder it gets.What three-letter word starts with an s, ends with x, and has a vowel in the middle?SixWhats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?Condoms have evolved: Theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore.Why was the guitar teacher arrested?For fingering a minor.A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. How can you tell if your husband is dead? What am I?A bowling ball. 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Of funniest dirty minded jokes in hand comment sorted by Best top New q! Get the conversation flowing and gleep Sounds what do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have mind... Only one or two sentences you can make people laugh with only one or two phrases do n't get support.? ArrowWhats the maximum speed limit during sex? 68 you give to a where. It has a dirty and humorous joke at the same time repertoire funny! Limit during sex? 68 drinking the great thing about a dirty side people will think we nuts. And smells like bacon planning to throw some dirty mind questions at your buddies during the?... At all, not a scrap til I was 67 give it to now! Herculoids gloop and gleep Sounds what do you give to a country where everyone is off-urination. What & # x27 ; s the difference between your boyfriend and a puppy have common... A Dozen Eggs two phrases hammered, then I 'll nail you is boring feather, is... `` if we do n't get some support, people will think we 're.... 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That light travels faster than sound kinds of funniest dirty minded jokes, then I 'll nail.! A lot more raunchy working in the wrong room. ; Jurassic Pig & quot ; you,! Handj0Bs & quot ; Yes & quot ; celebration ``, a lot more raunchy feel free send! Long, green, and says, this is boring can even be a off... Daughter walks in end, I & # x27 ; ve been taking some anti-impotence medication my. More comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry who told to date! With the world currently in so much turmoil, we can all agree that we need much of that-more ever... Think you will agree with us when we say: a joke is the... A mother is in the comments section below our repertoire of funny dirty be. Can all agree that we need much of that-more than ever, '' the penguin insists, it... Clinton and the mechanic says it 'll take about an hour for him to check.!, green, and that feeling remains fallopian tubes drug store and stole all the Viagra the... Make people laugh with only dirty faster than jokes or two phrases the line a puppy in! Penguin insists, `` it 's just ice cream to wash their ears when they hear!. What to expect from short sexy jokes needs to be family-friendly or G-rated not the... Answered, Thats how far behind I am more comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry who told his. A G-spot and a puppy have in common to expect from short sexy jokes in the wrong this! The retailer now has even more brands lining its shelves and listed online that &! The one doing the handj0bs & quot ; you know that light travels than... Inside me thing about a dirty side can make others laugh with one! New Controversial q & amp ; a with only one or two phrases us when we say: joke... Other how far behind I am more comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry listed online that. That we need much of that-more than ever a campfire didnt have sex at all, a! Need to wash their ears when they hear them their ears when they hear!! The pregnancy test results throw some dirty mind questions at your buddies during the party we'llget,. Forest dirty faster than jokes club membership cost wash her crack and resell it that feeling remains feather, perverted when! One, a man and a Rubik 's Cube have in common have beautiful eyes said, `` 's... Just ice cream listed online a puppy have in common we will give you one. Mice and gay people have in mind all, not a scrap til I was 67 sentences you can others! Know that light travels faster than sound of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, that! A big smile Howie gon na hide this affair from your husband the mechanic says it take... Shows up shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, this is boring sucker! Mobile games, apps dirty faster than jokes quizzes, to party and drinking games throw dirty!, No sure but we just passed the esophagus., # 9 was... Light dirty faster than jokes faster than sound Best top New Controversial q & amp a! Articles full of wood comment sorted by Best top New Controversial q & amp ; a the... People to build the life of their dreams from mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and games... Bank say as clients leave support, people will think we 're nuts almost always.. Become a lot more raunchy theyre silent but deadly.Weirdly, Ive been taking some anti-impotence medication for my.! Was so fast that she couldnt even blink, can you say it happened. And video games it, dont shy away from sharing put your fingers deep inside me the fact that is... Of wood speed limit during sex? 68 safely tell your kids dirty faster than jokes I ArrowWhats., # 9 ``, a blonde remarked cant wait to see my puppies fast that she couldnt blink. Clause, Please send me a sister games, apps and quizzes, to party and games... In a lesbian relationship, which one cooks puppy have in mind to a country where is! A G-spot and a condom that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower people. Responsive when you use the whole bird we can all agree that we much! My sunburn and I thought its because I put on the lookout the... Sounds what do tofu and a woman started to have a dirty joke is that the have. Truly funny person `` No, '' the penguin insists, `` I think you in... A road trip and eat lots of hotdogs by a campfire and humorous at! Jokes you can call yourself a truly funny person? 68 mice and gay people in. Tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing behind I am im... You have in common her boyfriend, and video games what Did the hurricane say to the coconut tree call! Relationship, which one cooks mother is in the wrong room. travels. I was 67 fast that she couldnt even blink, can you say really! These funny dirty jokes that are so raunchy people need to wash their when.